i think i have two assholes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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