I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My friends, they love my intelligence
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
