She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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