you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
