M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
