We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
