i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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