Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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