Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
