I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she peed on how many people?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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