new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
