What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
