now i know why i became what i already was.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
