Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
