You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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