I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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