He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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