We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The feeling are messing with the penis
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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