For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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