I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
