I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
