Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
