What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
