Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
