I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
