You're so nebulous sometimes
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
