YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
