i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
