margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
