I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My balls are so social today.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
