It was confusing and full of hummus
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
