Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
