I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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