i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
