He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
