I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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