There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
