he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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