Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
