Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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