remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
