i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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