and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
