I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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