I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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