i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
