you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
