your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
