just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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