dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
