so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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