Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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