i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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